The loneliness of grief

I was thinking recently about why I still feel so alone. Why with so many people who love me close by, and with others who have experienced similar situations, do I still feel disconnected.

The more I thought, I slowly came to the realization that maybe we will always feel alone. It's almost impossible not to, because the only person that would truly, fully, understand the pain - would be the person who is no longer here.

That one relationship, is the one that we would lean on for this exact pain. And that person can no longer ease the ache, can no longer hold us, or calm us with gentle words.

So then it would make sense - I'm sure - that we are all walking this lonely road alone.

Yes, there are people there, and yes, they care an awful lot. But there is some barrier between us that we could never quite put into words, a barrier that in the same breath makes no sense, and perfect sense at the same time.

I would ask you, specifically, how to cope with this. And you alone would know what to say, because you and I had a different relationship to anyone else.

Do I simply lean on the memories of you, or do I somehow use what part of you is left with me, and hope that will carry me through.

I do wonder if I will ever recover from this, sometimes I'm not too sure. But knowing you, and knowing our relationship - how much it meant to me - I also know that you would be feeling these exact feelings with me. You would be feeling my agony, and wanting to take it away. You would be shedding my tears, and wanting to wipe them away. You would be looking for some light through this dark path, and you would be lighting a candle for me.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are with me, in some different form. I just wish I could feel it.

Your girl always, Laynie <3

Alayna Rennie-Cook - June 2026