One month...

1 month…. 

I can't believe that it's been a month now without you. One month without hearing or voice, or sharing a hug. One month of the worst nightmare of our lives. One month of numbness, of trying to face each day knowing you still wont be there at the end of it. One month of pain only you could take away.

I dont know how I've got through this month from hell, but I still wake up and somehow tasks get done. Somehow I smile -  I know you would have liked that. I try to pull the peices together, to fix it somehow, but I know that it can never be mended. That there is just a gaping hole to learn to live with. 

For those of us left behind, the days simply 'go on'; there's washing that still needs to be cleaned, money that still needs to be earned, errands that still needs to be run. And yes, to wake up each morning is a blessing - and yet the days are so hard to live through right now. 

One month of feelings that I can't explain to even the closest people to me. The most out of touch I've ever felt, some kind of frosted glass between me and those around me. One month of not knowing what to say, not knowing how to respond to the questions, one month of ‘streaming on’ as you have to in this society.  One month of pretending that I'm doing okay. 

One month of missing you, with all my heart, and in all ways ❤️