My first quiet Father's day

Dear Dad…

it's Father's day, and you're not here to celebrate with. It's been three months now without you, and it hasn't gotten any easier. The pain has numbed me, I don't think I feel as deeply anymore, or smile as fully. Or maybe I do on the outside, it definitely doesn't feel like it.

I so wish we had more time together. Isn't that ironic, when we spend our lives taking time for granted, until of course it runs out.

I wish you were here to tell you that I have lost so much more than a dad…. I have lost a friend, someone I connected with on a soul deep level, someone who understood my heart without having to ask. I've lost the person that I could call at any time of the day and ask a random question to, the person who would know exactly what to say when I had a problem. The person who understood every health concern I had, and helped me understand it too. I've lost the person I could sit with, just quietly, and would make me feel at ease. The person who would radiate happiness every time he saw me, with such unconditional love that I could almost see it.

I've lost the mind that I could always count on, the hands that would always hold me, the friend who was always there.

My world is so quiet now, a gaping void that can never be mended.

I wish I could tell you… that I've lost so much more than a dad.

I wish I could tell you that I am the luckiest for having you as my dad. But while I can't talk to you just now… I will trust that you knew this.

Happy Father's day 💙